Loss of a child

It's something no one wants to talk about, but statically 1 in 5 women will lose a child before 13 weeks gestation. 

My husband and I were thrilled to welcome our little bundle of joy in November until last night when I passed a clot, went to the ER, and found out our little one passed away at 8 weeks 1 day. 

This was a picture at 7 weeks 1 day of our happy, healthy baby. 

I had a small bleed (fairly normal), and we had no reason to suspect anything was wrong. 

This is probably one of the last pics I was pregnant with a living baby in. Shortly after this, our baby grew wings and flew to heaven. 

I hope it got to meet my "babies" who went before. My animals. The ones I lived and lost. I hope they nuzzled it, and told it how lucky it was that I was its mom for even a second. For 8 weeks, to be exact. 

I hope my sweet LeLe boy gave you a head butt and a purr. And told you how much he had enjoyed when I was his mommy. And how much I had loved him and must've loved you too. 

I hope my sweet Brandi Boo told you how much she had loved being my Sissy, and how she would've been a great auntie to you...if she'd ever gotten to know you. She'll herd you in the right direction. Just do me a favor and lay with her if you have storms in heaven. She's afraid of thunder. 

I'm sure Nanan and Papa were thrilled to meet you. I think she always thought she'd be around to meet her great grandchild. But truth is she got to meet you before I did. Hopefully papa will sing for you since I never got to. And Nanan would sit and listen to you talk for hours. She always did for me. 

I can only imagine the look on my Grandma and Grandpa's faces when you showed up. If you ever need comfort, she's your first stop. She's the greatest woman who ever drew a breath. She has endless patience and love. Tell her I still miss her so much. 

Grandpa can give you a ride on Lacey. She was a good girl. And I hope there are golf carts in heaven so he can ride you on one. I hope there are peppermint a with chocolate in the middle too. Or worthers. He always had both. And he'll make you up silly songs. 

I'm sure they're all so proud to be there with you. 

Even thought your body is still inside me...I know you've been gone quite a while. You're in heaven with all of them. And you're so lucky. They're some of the best family you could ask for. So I know you're being taken care of. But Daddy and I miss you. 

We were so proud you were ours. Even for the short time we had you. There you are with us at Aunt Kayla and Uncle Wooter's wedding. They were so happy to know you too. So was Aunt Aliya, Uncle Cody, Uncle Caleb, your cousin Ivy, your Mimi and Pop, your Grandpa Tom and Grandma Rosemary, your Aunt Sara your RobRob, your aunt Terri. They were all so excited to meet you. And they all miss you almost as much as we do. Almost. 

But even though you're gone...you will never be forgotten. Mommy and Daddy will always love our first baby...

In memory of Baby C

Went to heaven April 13, 2016.